This is why I do this...
It’s probably the same reason that anyone makes music. There is so much of it in my head, and I want to hear it out loud. I don’t do it for praise, definitely not for money or fame. I just want to hear that music. It makes me feel good, and the fact that it does means that it could make other people feel good, which is even better. Still, for my own mental state I need to say a few things - only because they build up from time to time...
On occasion, when I finish a song and listen to it out loud for the first time, I think it absolutely slaps and has the potential to be something pretty dang popular if people paid attention to it. Songs like Treasure Valley, I Weave You Loom, Listening to the Cure etc, all seem to tread a line where the casual listener can bop to it, the academic can geek out at the mathy rhythms, and the lyrics aren’t necessarily your run-of-the-mill tripe either. No matter how far I try and sling them though, the airwaves and the world at large ignore them (with the exception of friends, family, and Calon FM 🥴). I don’t really know what to do about that. "Work harder; be better" springs to mind - but after the immense effort I've put into this project over the years, I guess a lot lies in the luck of the draw.
I work full time Monday to Friday and then spend my evenings working like a surgeon on music and videos. Sometimes I feel like a chump for putting so much effort in, especially when people ask me how I feel about how so many others seem to be getting so much further with so much less effort or imagination. And if, whilst reading this blog entry, the voice in your head is screaming to me “doesn’t that tell you something? You’re not good enough. Give up” - well, sorry to disappoint you. I’m not gonna.
I get to thinking about this from time to time - and it’s something I find ugly about myself (but I’m currently at a point where I feel I’m surrounded by people who’ll care and understand, and if anyone gets alienated by it they’re just not worth the fuss) - but…
I’m effing dead proud of myself. I think modesty is a virtue and I wear it to a fault 99% of the time, but the mood has come over me now to say this (potentially fuelled by Amaretto and steak).
I don’t know how many people know this, but the vast majority (like, extremely vast) of Colonel Dax output is performed by me alone, and all writing and production is done by me entirely (with the exception of improvised guitar solos or the odd initial riff). It sounds full but most of the time it’s just me overdubbing various instruments alone in my house. I’ll delegate guitar parts that I’m not proficient enough to play to vastly superior guitarists, but that’s about it. All external contributions are given credit in liner notes and on Bandcamp etc, of course.
I don’t know why I’m saying this really, because it’s making me balk just reading it. I’ve had a few bits of feedback from people on the new songs implying they think a band recorded them. Nah, it was just me, and then stellar guitar solos by Billy Evans in Citalopram. I just draw great pride from the fact that (brace yourselves to hate me even more) I’ve created some of my favourite music I’ve ever heard, just in my living room on a computer, between working shifts. It feels like only about 20 people I know really seem to engage with it, and whenever they say “this should be huge”, I reply with “you’re so kind”, but inside I’m thinking “you’re so right”. I work so hard at promotion but nothing ever really seems to stick.
I absolutely love the stuff, and there are still 9 fully written albums in the queue to be recorded. I’m quite convinced the wider world will continue to ignore Dax whilst other youngsters will become revered billionaires for chanting “baby” over a 4-on-the-floor beat. It upsets me, but I’ll never stop.
Bitter enough for you? 🥴 I wouldn’t be brave enough to say this shite if I didn’t feel comfortable enough with the friends I have in my life at the moment ❤️ In a morbid way I expect or even hope that a lot of my musician friends feel the same way about their own work. Maybe I should just write a song that people can yell out at football games...
Also, I guess this is as good a time as any to announce that for the time being, the Colonel Dax live outfit will exist only as a solo or duo affair. Not my choice, but there it is. Still taking bookings and telling strange tales, just slightly quieter ✨ A few people have asked in the past what Colonel Dax is. This is the definitive answer: it isn't a band. It's just an umbrella to keep all of my music, lyrics, images and videos underneath. It's Tom's room. Billy hand-whittles a lot of the trinkets. The name is just the sign on the door. If my name was as striking as Frank Zappa's, then I'd have used that instead. In terms of live performances; if all goes well, there should be a full 4 or 5-piece ensemble ready and gigging by next Spring at the absolute latest.
I don’t think I’m angling for anything here. I can feel that this post is just oozing from the ego part of my brain - but, from time to time, it medically requires massaging, so that's what I've had to do. I just started typing and this slightly bitter and passive aggressive rant came out 😂 As you were, enjoy your day. TDH x